To Facebook or Not to Facebook?

That is the question.

At my age, you hope to be over the whole peer pressure thing. I said no to drugs. I said no to cigarettes, witchcraft, grand theft auto and the other normal teenage angst. Ironically now, more than a few years after high school, I'm being pressured to jump on a social bandwagon on which I'm not sure I want to ride, and I'm beginning to give in to the pressure.

I'm seriously thinking about registering on Facebook.

I've received several invitations from my lovely friends and colleagues, but I'm still contemplating whether to sign up. I've heard pros and cons from folks, and it's an ongoing debate (in my head). OK, so maybe it's not that serious, but maybe it is.

We're in the digital age. I admit that I'm not too big on the whole phone thing. I gave up the pen pal thing after college. So, Facebook seems to be the new millennium's way of keeping in contact. As a matter of fact, I have an irking feeling that I'm missing out on some major events and news in my friends' lives by not being in the Facebook loop.

So, keeping in touch with my friends is a pro, but there are also some cons I've been told.

I actually know one person deleted her profile. Why? She was connecting with guys whose married life she'd rather not know about. A former colleague is still registered but often has to ignore friend requests from people he feels don't fall into the "friend" category in his life. Do I run the risk of reconnecting with "undesirables"? Then, there's the whole cyber-stalking thing. The more you're on the web, the more open your life is, and you can't always control who comes in.

On the pro side, I hear it's a great way to network professionally. Plus, for every person you hear from that you don't care to, there are two or three that you're glad to reconnect with ... or so I hear.

So, help me out. Am I over thinking it? Am I missing out on whole new world? Should I give in to the pressure?

Will Ultimate "First" Diminish Future Achievements?

There are a lot of Black firsts still left to be achieved in this country. One thing that surprised many African Americans in the election of Barack Obama was the timing. There's yet to be a first Black Vice President, and minorities have become accustomed to slow progress. Without consciously thinking about it, a few more stepping stones were expected before the election of America's first Black president. Not that I'm complaining, of course.

However, it dawned on me as Obama considered appointing the first Black Attorney General, that the other "firsts" might seem less lofty now that the ultimate "first" of Black president has been achieved. If Denzel Washington won his Best Actor Oscar today, would it seem so newsworthy? Would it be considered as grand an achievement? Mmmm? I think not.

Maybe it's a good thing that future achievements of Black Americans might not be prefaced with racial recognition. Instead of being a headline, maybe his or her race will just be a sidebar. Either way, the election of Obama might just make more of those firsts possible.

What do you think? Will the first Black person to walk on the moon be as significant now that Obama's been elected? If Black "firsts" are no longer recorded, would that be a good thing or a bad thing?

It's the Holiday Season...?

Mark your calendars. Each year it seems like the Christmas/Holiday season starts earlier and earlier. This year, I'm taking note. On Oct. 15, I heard a Christmas carol on a local radio station. Thus, it has begun.

I agree that the holiday season is "the most wonderful time of the year;" however, I can't help but think that the early sales, mall displays and movie releases are more about earning money that spreading holiday cheer. When Charlie Brown questioned the commercialism of Christmas in the '60's classic "A Charlie Brown Christmas," he was ahead of his time.

However, I still love the Christmas season, and although, I'm irked when I hear Christmas carols in October, I do look forward to hearing them after Thanksgiving and seeing houses decorated with lights, baking, giving gifts and hanging with family and friends.

The holidays can also be a stressful time. When you're busy with day-to-day business, it can be hard to remember to really enjoy Christmas and think of all it stands for.

So, here's a reminder from my friends.

Ode to the Three-Day Weekend

The three-day weekend, an extra day off...
A day without traffic jams, colleagues or the boss

Another day to chill out, relax, catch a movie or read.
An extra day to pamper yourself and focus on your "me".

Spend it staring at the wall, doing laundry or take a trip.
It really doesn't matter how you get your three-day fix.

It's a break from the norm, so no matter what you do...
Be glad you're not at work, and enjoy just doing you.

The possibilities are endless. An extra 24 hours of free.
Will you party hard, visit the folks or sit in front of the TV?

It's a day full of options, and you can make it all your own.
You're the ruler of your three-day. You're the person on the throne.

Do with it what you will. Enjoy it while you can.
The clock is steady ticking. Don't let it slip through your hands.

The calendar offers just a few. This weekend is just one.
Pretend it's the very last, and make sure you make it fun.

Gosh Darn! Who Is She Talking To?

In a high school English class, we had to write a paper about socialects. Those are little phrases, slang, contractions -- just language -- used by certain people who work in the same office, are part of the same fraternities, live in the same geographical area, etc... I found the idea of socialects very interesting, and it's true that every little group has it's own language. It's a way of relating and being comfortable with those in your groups.

So, while I was watching the Vice Presidential debates, I wondered, "To whom is Gov. Palin speaking"? I heard her use phrases like, "gosh darn" and words like "golly," and all I could think was, "She surely isn't speaking to me." She's on a national platform, but speaking to a specific group. The fact that she chooses to speak in vernacular only encourages division; I think. I felt like an outsider.

So, I actually felt a little insulted. I'm a voter. So, why aren't I being addressed? That's not to say that someone has to speak "my language" to communicate with me. I would appreciate it if politicians spoke to all Americans, and that can usually be achieved by following the accepted rules of Standard American English.

I'm sure there are plenty of voters that appreciated her "common folk" approach, but the United States is made up of all types, including those that may have just learned the rules of SAE a year ago. So, do the gosh-darns help them to get her points? I doubt it.

What do you think? Do you like the hometown dialect? Do you think politicians should speak less formally to reach the masses, or is a grasp and use of correct grammar and diction a benefit? Maybe my respect for SAE is making me a stick-in-the-mud. If so, let me know.

So, That's What an Apron's For

I was skeptical that the day would ever come, but it's arrived. Maybe it's a sign of maturity, or just another crazy result of our whacked economy, but whatever the reason, something peculiar is happening in my life ... I've started eating at home.

Crazy. I know.

Admittedly, the food's pretty good, but what's really weird is that moreso than saving money, my motive was just that I no longer enjoy the food I buy from fast food joints and restaurants. As of late, it's been disappointing. Maybe those establishments are secretly cutting down on seasonings to save money. Maybe I've tired of the same ol' entrees. Maybe reports of restaurant uncleanliness have subconsciously affected my appetite. I don't know.

I have noticed a few benefits to eating at home-cooked meals, though. It does indeed save money. (I thought that was just an old wives tale.) It challenges your creativity, and you get home earlier because you're not patrolling the city for vittles. Plus, I think I'm eating healthier, but how can you really tell?

What about you? Do you eat in or go out? Send me your recipes!

Dating Advice for Dummies ... and From One

Have you ever heard a terrible song on the radio and thought, "Wow. If that's all it takes to be a singer, why am I working this 9 to 5"?

Well, that's how I reacted when reading about a book by a self-proclaimed "good" brother who calls himself offering advice to Black women. I've never used the word "poppycock" before, but it was never warranted as much as in this case.

Take a look.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/27/AR2008082703400.html

So in a nutshell, what's this brother's nugget of wisdom? He thinks women should cook, be scantily clad and leave him alone to relax.

Yes, someone saw fit to publish his nonsense, and it's not one of those "For Dummies" books!

Look out for my new book coming in January '09.

Why Can't My Tub Clean Itself?

Someone needs to invent a self-cleaning house. It’s the 21st century. Man has been to the moon. Sheep are created in beakers. Why can’t my tub clean itself?

Day after day, week after week, it’s the same routine. I pull out cleansers, sponges, dusters, the Swiffer, paper towels, rubber gloves and get to work. It wouldn’t be so tedious if there were an end, or even a vacation in sight, but there isn’t. You can escape work. You can escape people, but you can’t escape the dust. Eventually, it shows up. You can run, but you can’t hide.

I appreciate the iPod and vehicles and especially the World Wide Web, but what would really be nice is a floor that never needed to be scrubbed, a carpet that never needed to be vacuumed and the complete eradication of spider webs!

Is there a genius out there who can work on that?

There's Never a Need for 20 Degrees

It's August. Today, I wore layers, boots and a sweater at work. Why? I'm glad you asked. Although, the sun's high in the sky; the temperature's pleasant and comfortable; flowers are blooming; birds are singing, and bees are buzzing, the temperature in my office building is somewhere near -20. Okay. I'm exaggerating. It's more like 20 degrees, but that's not much better. Freezing is freezing.

Everyone in my office has a space heater. One colleague has covered all the vents in his office to keep the cold air from blowing in. We all make multiple trips for coffee, tea, hot chocolate and whatever else can relieve the chills. I think I felt icicles growing off my elbow one day. It's ridiculous.

Although this problem is a huge issue at work, I've noticed it elsewhere. It's 80 degrees outside, so for some reason the Powers That Be decide it should be 35 degrees inside. I don't really get the logic. Obviously, if it's hot outside, there needs to be some cooling going on indoors, but there's never a need for 20 degrees ... never.

So, as I try to calculate how many sick days I have left, since I was out with a cold for a week this summer, I'm officially starting a petition. Please sign if you've ever gone to a movie in the summer and bought coffee at the concession stand because it was freezing. Sign if you have to leave your office building and take a walk around the block to warm up. Sign if you've sneezed or blown your nose indoors while bees still buzz through the air. Sign if you haven't been able to wear any summer clothes this season because it's too cold indoors.

Let's make a difference. It's time to finally put an end to excessive cooling. Who's with me?

Do You Want a Hair With Those Fries?

Of all the reasons to avoid fast foood, this may be at the top of the list. Click on the link below. A Burger King employee was tape recorded bathing in the restaurant's sink.

http://www.wusa9.com/news/watercooler/story.aspx?storyid=74998&catid=148

The thought sickens me.

We already have to worry about salmonella and ecoli. Now, we have to worry about pubic hairs, too.

See you at the grocery store.

My Gold Medal Moment

You've got to love the Olympics. It's so inspiring to see the world's best going after their dreams. They've worked hard, and it all leads up to that one climactic competition. You can't help but root for the athletes. You want them all to win gold, but you especially cheer for those that obtain it. I admit it. I get teary-eyed sometimes as I watch. Maybe that's because I can relate.

I participated in a sort of Olympics of my own years ago. It wasn't televised, but it's the closest thing to an Olympics that I'll ever experience.

When I was in high school, I competed in an orchestra competition in Canada. Our orchestra was a team. We practiced hard. We traveled to compete. We performed, and we kicked butt. LOL. We won as many trophies as possible, and out of a possible 100, we scored a 97.

I admit I've always been sort of a geek, and what I remember most distinctly is when we realized we'd won. We jumped out of our seats and rushed our orchestra conductor. We shouted and cheered. It was our Gold Medal moment.

Okay, that may be sort of lame, but I'm owning it. LOL. That was my Olympic moment, and just like Michael Phelps, Shawn Johnson and the rest of the champions will tell you. You don't forget it.

Do you have a Gold Medal moment? Share.

Gorgeous, Grotesque or Somewhere In Between?

I'm a firm believer that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." What one woman thinks is stunningly beautiful; another may find grotesque.

I came across this photo gallery of "models" who work for an "Ugly" agency. I don't know how to feel, since most of the people featured look better than I do! LOL.

Check it out.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26037035/?pg=1#TDY_UglyModels&gt1=43001

I have a friend who isn't at all shy to deem others "ugly," a word I try to avoid using. She says that just as some people are attractive to the majority (Halle Berry), there are those who are unattractive to most people (deceased rap artist Biggie Smalls). Those are the ugly ones; she says.

So, what do you think?

What makes someone beautiful? What makes someone ugly? Is there such a thing as physical ugliness, or should that descriptor be saved for people with harsh interiors? Where do you fall? Are you gorgeous, grotesque or somewhere in between?

An Argument for Holding the Door Open

Is chivalry really dead? Judging by the many, many times men have failed to hold the door open for me and have allowed it to slam closed in my face, I'd have to say yes.

Actually, that might be more of an example of how politeness is dead. When someone allows a door to slam in your face, it's like telling you how insignificant you are. You're not worth the two seconds and one micro-watt of power it would have taken to be considerate and hold the door open. I think it's just an example of how self absorbed everyone in society has become.

I recently read a story about beach goers who tanned and relaxed feet away from two dead bodies. They didn't seem the least bit affected by the teenage corpses that rotted within a stone's throw.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/jul/21/italy.race

Are we so jaded that we can't even empathize with others? I know I made a major jump from having a door slammed in my face to people chillin' ambivalently around dead bodies, but honestly, it starts somewhere. One day, you're snubbing and ignoring the person walking behind you. The next day, you're stepping over injured people to get to your car.

Oh, and that reminds me of this story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0t4wWGH51-A

An elderly man was run over by a car, and none of the bystanders attempted to help.

What's really wrong with people? I get that it can be a hassle and inconvenient to get involved sometimes. You might end up taking on a lot more than you'd bargained for, but if it was your relative, wouldn't you want someone to step up to the plate?

So, make sure this doesn't become you, and hold the door open when you know someone's walking behind you.

O.P.O.: Other People's Opinions

I was watching CNN Headline News this morning, and I was a bit perturbed by the anchor's repeated, "In my opinion..." comments. I thought journalists were supposed to be objective.
Frankly, I couldn't have cared less about his take on the top news stories of the day. Does he think McCain's hatin' on Obama? What are his thoughts on the WBNA brawl? Who cares? However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I can't really blame him for sharing.

Despite the rules of old school journalism, the media seems to be catering to the audience these days. One thing the audience seems to want is commentary. They don't just want the facts anymore. They want spin. They want sarcasm. They want humor. They want to know what others think.

I wonder why. Is it just more entertaining? Does it help us process the news better?

Personally, I think purveyors of the news just want their opinions validated. It makes us feel better to know that we are not alone in our thoughts. I know there have been times when I've asked, "Is it me, or was that ridiculous?" Well, hearing that CNN anchor co-sign is a sigh of relief. "Ahhh. It's not just me. Yes, that was idiotic!"

Few people like to be standing out in the crowd all alone. It can be comforting to know that others are seeing things the same way we are, and for those who like to go against the grain, it helps to know exactly which direction will keep you in that non-conformist category.

So, now the news serves another function. It lets us know how "normal" we are. Are we in the same mindset as millions of peers, or are we out on that limb alone?

What do you think? Why are journalists now offering up opinions? Do you like it, or not?

To Be Nice or Nasty. Is It Even a Question?

Maybe you've heard this argument before. I've heard it a few times, and while I get it, I can't say that I really agree.

So, the argument I've heard is that if you dislike someone, you should tell them. You should not be "fake" and speak to them. Basically, you should be rude and pretend they're not even alive, even if the object of your disdain is in the same room as you. Why be phony?

Well, I get it, but I don't agree. I don't think being civil and kind to people is phony. That's just being a nice person. Right? We have to interact with all sorts of people in life. Some we'll click with; some we won't. However, we should try to get along with them all. It won't always work, but being a jerk is rarely the solution to any problem.

Do you agree? What do you think? Is it best to avoid and ignore people you can't really get along with, or is it better to be decent, but distant? Is there another option?

The Empty Nest is Overrated

Why do we move out of our parents' home?

For the life of me, I can't figure out why I'm paying upwards of $1,000 a month on a mortgage, eating cans of soup for dinner and handling a household of chores all by my lonesome? I'm not complaining. I'm just sayin'.

Wouldn't it make more sense to be living under my parents' roof where the meals are nutritious; the food is plentiful, and there's always someone to keep me company? The chores would be shared (with me taking the majority, of course), and I could hand over what I spend in mortgage payments to my parents.

Now, doesn't that make perfect sense?

I'm sure I had a good reason to move out, but I can think of few now.

Initially, I guess we want freedom. We want to be able to come and go as we please. We want to prove we can make it on our own. However, I'm at the point where that's no longer a question. I moved out of my parents' home nearly 10 years ago, and I've never been arrested, and the one time I spent a night on a park bench it was by choice. So, I'm good.

So, what I want now -- more than a sense of independence -- is a home cooked meal. Okay, maybe I'm just hungry.

Is there any aspect of living with the parents that you miss? They'll never read this, so tell the truth.

An Anal, Unreasonable, English Freak

Have you ever found yourself doing something and thinking, "I'm really a jerk?" I hope others have that thought, too . I don't want to be the only one. My job requires me to correct people. Part of what I do includes editing and approving others' work.

Around the third or fourth time you correct someone's grammar, word use or punctuation, you start to feel like an anal, unreasonable, English freak.

Around the fifth or sixth time, you start to become a bit perturbed. We all make mistakes. I like to think I'm the first to admit mine, but when grown adults don't know "its" from "it's," I'm irked. When "they're" and "their" are constantly confused, and complete sentences are repeatedly united with commas, how can one keep her frustration in check?

I try not two correct my friends but their half been times when there e-mails where so jacked up, but I honestly didn't now what they were trying to convey.

I had to call them on it 'cause after all, English is their first language.

I know I sound like a jerk. Right? I try to reign it in when I can, but honestly. What's a girl to do?

Obviously, ignoring the rules of standard American English is a pet peeve of mine. What pet peeve makes you seem like a jerk? No one's judging here. Just vent. Let it all out.

Crabs in a Barrel?

What can be said about the Rev. Jesse Jackson's remarks about Presidential hopeful Barack Obama? The first thing that came to my mind when I heard Jackson's wish to do bodily harm to Obama was, "crabs in a barrel." It's an old metaphor, but I think it holds true in this case.

If everyone can't excel, then no one will. Sad.

Jackson has apologized, and Obama has accepted his apology. So, I don't want to sensationalize this "brother backstabbing" anymore than necessary. So, I'll take this entry another route.

Why does it seem some of Obama's staunchest critics have been African American? I know Jackson wouldn't consider himself an opponent, but after his publicized remarks, I think critic is fair. He supports Obama, but at the same time, he's so angry with Obama that his support almost seems hypocritical.

Other critics: BET's founder Bob Johnson and Obama's own former pastor.

What do you think? Does it seem like a bigger issue than it is because of the media coverage, or is this just an example of a classic problem in the Black community? Division in ideas and varying opinions is normal within any race? Is it unfair to expect Black leaders to be on the same page? Thoughts?

Some Compassion for the Black Man

I went to a screening of CNN's "Black in America" tonight. Of course, being a black woman in America, there wasn't too much new information there to which I was not privvy, but I commend CNN for the coverage nonetheless. I'm sure it will be enlightening to many.

What was enlightening to me was learning about the hardships of black men vs. black women. I've heard it before, but honestly, it doesn't stay at the forefront of my mind; I'm ashamed to say. The black woman is considered less threatening than brothers, so we are more accepted by other minorities and the majority race of America.

As the documentary reiterated, many brothers can't even get jobs. The discrimination they experience is about 50 times worse than anything I have lived through. It's a sad observation about America.

I recommend you tune in July 23 and 24 for the special.

In the meantime, what topics would you want to see addressed in the show? The program includes a segment about black women and black families as well. T.D. Jakes and Michael Eric Dyson are among those interviewed. Will you watch?

What can be done to improve the prevelant, negative images of black men? Has Obama helped?

Whose World Is It?

According to Nas, "The World Is Yours," but a friend and I discussed which sex is really running things. While I think that men rule the world, he thinks that it's a woman's hand that rocks the cradle.

I say men rule the world because they decide what is acceptable behavior, especially for women. It's men who've decided it's all right for women to pay for dates. They still decide how much women earn and what parts of a woman should be shaved. Think about it. Men's pit hair is no more attractive than women's, but they don't have to shave, while women do.

My friend thinks women rule the world because, according to him, men do everything they do to impress women. They earn degrees, get jobs and even groom themselves based on who they want to attract and what women are drawn to. According to him, if women refused to date men with pit hair, men would indeed take a razor to that area, as well.

So, what do you think? Is it a man's world, like the Godfather of Soul suggests, are are Lady's First, as Latifah said. Which is it, or is each woman and man behaving exactly how he or she chooses free of the opposite sex's influences?

Happily Joining the 30-and-Up Club

Some people would call me old. I'm referring to early-20-somethings. Yes, they are people, too.

I am (barely) in the 30-and-up club. You start to accept that and appreciate it when you realize that you are far from being a part of the 25-and-under crew. When does this dawn on you officially?

For me, it was when I started having conversations with folks in that age group. You realize that their culture, slang and social norms are different from yours. Who knew six or seven years made such a difference?

They've never had fried chicken from someone's kitchen! They only know Michael Jackson as an alleged child molester. They used PowerPoint in school instead of poster board.

The biggest distinguisher: They like Lil' Wayne! I don't get it. I admit that his flow is aiight, but that's only if you listen hard enough to really try to understand what he's saying, but who has that kind of time ... really? Not only that, the young girls think he's fine. What?! You gotta be kidding me. Anyway, that's when I started to realize I'm out of the loop, and I'm cool with that. I'll take a LL over a Weezy any day.

Thirty-and-Up Club, let me in! LOL.

So, what other clues are there that you're getting old? Here are my top 10 (in no particular order):

1. Clean shaven, baby-faced "heartthrob" Chris Brown looks about 7 years old to you.

2. You find yourself dozing off to sleep around 9 p.m.

3. You start to see the real life-threatening dangers of youthful pasttimes like roller skating, dodge ball and roller coasters.

4. The interns at your job refer to you as "Ma'am" or "Mister."

5. You can remember TV before "Law & Order," "ER" or "Oprah."

6. You sometimes get the urge to make a mixed tape.

7. You can no longer eat McDonald's.

8. The song you jam to in your car on a daily basis, is considered an "oldie."

9. The most popular celebrities are younger than you are.

10. You spot an old toy or radio of yours in the American History Museum.

So, when did you first realize you have a 30-and-up mentality? Are you still in denial? What other signs are there that you're getting older?

Who's to Blame for the Toothless Interviews?

So, we're all-too familiar with the irritating practice of journalists who regularly select toothless, unkempt, attention-seeking "eye witnesses" to speak on camera about newsworthy events.

We cringe when we see roller-clad women and men, whose down-home vernacular is less than grammatically correct, on the nightly news ... how can I put this? ... reinforcing negative stereotypes.

I admit that I always assumed the "eye witnesses" were the main culprits. I figured these men and women were looking for their 15 minutes of fame and chased down camera crews to share their version of events.

However, a friend of mine suggested that maybe the news media has more to do with this recurring phenomenon than I originally thought.

He suggested that in a quest to include the most compelling and interesting interviews, editors continue to consciously use this footage in news packages to boost ratings. After all, as sad as it is, a toothless, hairless woman with a strong country accent will draw more attention than the educated, sister who carefully chooses her words when speaking to the camera.

So, which do you think it is? Is it a case of "homely" individuals hungry for camera time, or are news producers actually including footage of your aunts and uncles to boost ratings?

Diff'rent Strokes? Unfortunately Not

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20206185,00.html

A co-worker sent me the above link to a story about the lack of Blacks on TV this season. I'm a TV watcher. I've cut down and now I only spend about 12 hours in front of the tube on a given day. So, it troubles me that the days of diversity are gone.

Networks used to make an effort to put Blacks on TV. Let's see. When I was growing up, there were shows with majority-Black casts: "The Jeffersons," "227," "Amen," "The Cosby Show," "A Different World."

What happened?

Here's my guess. Upstart networks like WB, Fox, UPN started using "Black" shows to launch and pull in minority viewers, realizing Black TV viewers were thirsty for more minorities on screen. However, the shows they put on were garbage: "Homeboys From Outerspace," "The Diary of Desmond Pfifer,".... I could go on, but it hurts my feelings.

So, where shows with Black casts were once of quality and full of crossover potential, the new shows couldn't even draw their target audiences.

Unfortunately, that left Black shows with a stigma. They're automatically deemed of lesser quality, unlike the glory days of "Good Times" and "Sanford & Son."

So, how long will it be before we get some more quality programs with a majority Black cast?

If the new season's lineup is any indication, it won't be anytime soon.

That's not good for Black actors, and it's not good for young people, who can only look to reruns on TV Land to see their reflections on the tube.

Why is this still an issue in '08? How important is it for young people to see themselves on TV? Is there anything we can do to get more Black shows on TV? (The NAACP's pressure hasn't worked.) Should we even try, or is that the last place our focus should be?