An Argument for Holding the Door Open

Is chivalry really dead? Judging by the many, many times men have failed to hold the door open for me and have allowed it to slam closed in my face, I'd have to say yes.

Actually, that might be more of an example of how politeness is dead. When someone allows a door to slam in your face, it's like telling you how insignificant you are. You're not worth the two seconds and one micro-watt of power it would have taken to be considerate and hold the door open. I think it's just an example of how self absorbed everyone in society has become.

I recently read a story about beach goers who tanned and relaxed feet away from two dead bodies. They didn't seem the least bit affected by the teenage corpses that rotted within a stone's throw.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/jul/21/italy.race

Are we so jaded that we can't even empathize with others? I know I made a major jump from having a door slammed in my face to people chillin' ambivalently around dead bodies, but honestly, it starts somewhere. One day, you're snubbing and ignoring the person walking behind you. The next day, you're stepping over injured people to get to your car.

Oh, and that reminds me of this story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0t4wWGH51-A

An elderly man was run over by a car, and none of the bystanders attempted to help.

What's really wrong with people? I get that it can be a hassle and inconvenient to get involved sometimes. You might end up taking on a lot more than you'd bargained for, but if it was your relative, wouldn't you want someone to step up to the plate?

So, make sure this doesn't become you, and hold the door open when you know someone's walking behind you.

O.P.O.: Other People's Opinions

I was watching CNN Headline News this morning, and I was a bit perturbed by the anchor's repeated, "In my opinion..." comments. I thought journalists were supposed to be objective.
Frankly, I couldn't have cared less about his take on the top news stories of the day. Does he think McCain's hatin' on Obama? What are his thoughts on the WBNA brawl? Who cares? However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I can't really blame him for sharing.

Despite the rules of old school journalism, the media seems to be catering to the audience these days. One thing the audience seems to want is commentary. They don't just want the facts anymore. They want spin. They want sarcasm. They want humor. They want to know what others think.

I wonder why. Is it just more entertaining? Does it help us process the news better?

Personally, I think purveyors of the news just want their opinions validated. It makes us feel better to know that we are not alone in our thoughts. I know there have been times when I've asked, "Is it me, or was that ridiculous?" Well, hearing that CNN anchor co-sign is a sigh of relief. "Ahhh. It's not just me. Yes, that was idiotic!"

Few people like to be standing out in the crowd all alone. It can be comforting to know that others are seeing things the same way we are, and for those who like to go against the grain, it helps to know exactly which direction will keep you in that non-conformist category.

So, now the news serves another function. It lets us know how "normal" we are. Are we in the same mindset as millions of peers, or are we out on that limb alone?

What do you think? Why are journalists now offering up opinions? Do you like it, or not?

To Be Nice or Nasty. Is It Even a Question?

Maybe you've heard this argument before. I've heard it a few times, and while I get it, I can't say that I really agree.

So, the argument I've heard is that if you dislike someone, you should tell them. You should not be "fake" and speak to them. Basically, you should be rude and pretend they're not even alive, even if the object of your disdain is in the same room as you. Why be phony?

Well, I get it, but I don't agree. I don't think being civil and kind to people is phony. That's just being a nice person. Right? We have to interact with all sorts of people in life. Some we'll click with; some we won't. However, we should try to get along with them all. It won't always work, but being a jerk is rarely the solution to any problem.

Do you agree? What do you think? Is it best to avoid and ignore people you can't really get along with, or is it better to be decent, but distant? Is there another option?

The Empty Nest is Overrated

Why do we move out of our parents' home?

For the life of me, I can't figure out why I'm paying upwards of $1,000 a month on a mortgage, eating cans of soup for dinner and handling a household of chores all by my lonesome? I'm not complaining. I'm just sayin'.

Wouldn't it make more sense to be living under my parents' roof where the meals are nutritious; the food is plentiful, and there's always someone to keep me company? The chores would be shared (with me taking the majority, of course), and I could hand over what I spend in mortgage payments to my parents.

Now, doesn't that make perfect sense?

I'm sure I had a good reason to move out, but I can think of few now.

Initially, I guess we want freedom. We want to be able to come and go as we please. We want to prove we can make it on our own. However, I'm at the point where that's no longer a question. I moved out of my parents' home nearly 10 years ago, and I've never been arrested, and the one time I spent a night on a park bench it was by choice. So, I'm good.

So, what I want now -- more than a sense of independence -- is a home cooked meal. Okay, maybe I'm just hungry.

Is there any aspect of living with the parents that you miss? They'll never read this, so tell the truth.

An Anal, Unreasonable, English Freak

Have you ever found yourself doing something and thinking, "I'm really a jerk?" I hope others have that thought, too . I don't want to be the only one. My job requires me to correct people. Part of what I do includes editing and approving others' work.

Around the third or fourth time you correct someone's grammar, word use or punctuation, you start to feel like an anal, unreasonable, English freak.

Around the fifth or sixth time, you start to become a bit perturbed. We all make mistakes. I like to think I'm the first to admit mine, but when grown adults don't know "its" from "it's," I'm irked. When "they're" and "their" are constantly confused, and complete sentences are repeatedly united with commas, how can one keep her frustration in check?

I try not two correct my friends but their half been times when there e-mails where so jacked up, but I honestly didn't now what they were trying to convey.

I had to call them on it 'cause after all, English is their first language.

I know I sound like a jerk. Right? I try to reign it in when I can, but honestly. What's a girl to do?

Obviously, ignoring the rules of standard American English is a pet peeve of mine. What pet peeve makes you seem like a jerk? No one's judging here. Just vent. Let it all out.

Crabs in a Barrel?

What can be said about the Rev. Jesse Jackson's remarks about Presidential hopeful Barack Obama? The first thing that came to my mind when I heard Jackson's wish to do bodily harm to Obama was, "crabs in a barrel." It's an old metaphor, but I think it holds true in this case.

If everyone can't excel, then no one will. Sad.

Jackson has apologized, and Obama has accepted his apology. So, I don't want to sensationalize this "brother backstabbing" anymore than necessary. So, I'll take this entry another route.

Why does it seem some of Obama's staunchest critics have been African American? I know Jackson wouldn't consider himself an opponent, but after his publicized remarks, I think critic is fair. He supports Obama, but at the same time, he's so angry with Obama that his support almost seems hypocritical.

Other critics: BET's founder Bob Johnson and Obama's own former pastor.

What do you think? Does it seem like a bigger issue than it is because of the media coverage, or is this just an example of a classic problem in the Black community? Division in ideas and varying opinions is normal within any race? Is it unfair to expect Black leaders to be on the same page? Thoughts?

Some Compassion for the Black Man

I went to a screening of CNN's "Black in America" tonight. Of course, being a black woman in America, there wasn't too much new information there to which I was not privvy, but I commend CNN for the coverage nonetheless. I'm sure it will be enlightening to many.

What was enlightening to me was learning about the hardships of black men vs. black women. I've heard it before, but honestly, it doesn't stay at the forefront of my mind; I'm ashamed to say. The black woman is considered less threatening than brothers, so we are more accepted by other minorities and the majority race of America.

As the documentary reiterated, many brothers can't even get jobs. The discrimination they experience is about 50 times worse than anything I have lived through. It's a sad observation about America.

I recommend you tune in July 23 and 24 for the special.

In the meantime, what topics would you want to see addressed in the show? The program includes a segment about black women and black families as well. T.D. Jakes and Michael Eric Dyson are among those interviewed. Will you watch?

What can be done to improve the prevelant, negative images of black men? Has Obama helped?

Whose World Is It?

According to Nas, "The World Is Yours," but a friend and I discussed which sex is really running things. While I think that men rule the world, he thinks that it's a woman's hand that rocks the cradle.

I say men rule the world because they decide what is acceptable behavior, especially for women. It's men who've decided it's all right for women to pay for dates. They still decide how much women earn and what parts of a woman should be shaved. Think about it. Men's pit hair is no more attractive than women's, but they don't have to shave, while women do.

My friend thinks women rule the world because, according to him, men do everything they do to impress women. They earn degrees, get jobs and even groom themselves based on who they want to attract and what women are drawn to. According to him, if women refused to date men with pit hair, men would indeed take a razor to that area, as well.

So, what do you think? Is it a man's world, like the Godfather of Soul suggests, are are Lady's First, as Latifah said. Which is it, or is each woman and man behaving exactly how he or she chooses free of the opposite sex's influences?

Happily Joining the 30-and-Up Club

Some people would call me old. I'm referring to early-20-somethings. Yes, they are people, too.

I am (barely) in the 30-and-up club. You start to accept that and appreciate it when you realize that you are far from being a part of the 25-and-under crew. When does this dawn on you officially?

For me, it was when I started having conversations with folks in that age group. You realize that their culture, slang and social norms are different from yours. Who knew six or seven years made such a difference?

They've never had fried chicken from someone's kitchen! They only know Michael Jackson as an alleged child molester. They used PowerPoint in school instead of poster board.

The biggest distinguisher: They like Lil' Wayne! I don't get it. I admit that his flow is aiight, but that's only if you listen hard enough to really try to understand what he's saying, but who has that kind of time ... really? Not only that, the young girls think he's fine. What?! You gotta be kidding me. Anyway, that's when I started to realize I'm out of the loop, and I'm cool with that. I'll take a LL over a Weezy any day.

Thirty-and-Up Club, let me in! LOL.

So, what other clues are there that you're getting old? Here are my top 10 (in no particular order):

1. Clean shaven, baby-faced "heartthrob" Chris Brown looks about 7 years old to you.

2. You find yourself dozing off to sleep around 9 p.m.

3. You start to see the real life-threatening dangers of youthful pasttimes like roller skating, dodge ball and roller coasters.

4. The interns at your job refer to you as "Ma'am" or "Mister."

5. You can remember TV before "Law & Order," "ER" or "Oprah."

6. You sometimes get the urge to make a mixed tape.

7. You can no longer eat McDonald's.

8. The song you jam to in your car on a daily basis, is considered an "oldie."

9. The most popular celebrities are younger than you are.

10. You spot an old toy or radio of yours in the American History Museum.

So, when did you first realize you have a 30-and-up mentality? Are you still in denial? What other signs are there that you're getting older?